


Not to me, not if it's you

by Flame0515



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Developing Relationship, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Living Together, M/M, Not Beta Read, Oblivious Ryan Bergara, Out of Character, Overworking, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara-Centric, Shane Madej Is So Whipped, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, Sharing a Bed, ryan has bad thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:48:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27521797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flame0515/pseuds/Flame0515
Summary: “Then Pylades says ‘Not to me. Not if it’s you.” He’s looking right and Ryan when he says it. He’s looking right into his very soul just to drive the point home. It speaks for itself without Shane having to say anything else and it warms his heart. It makes him feel wanted. And if he rests his head on Shane’s shoulder afterwards- well that’s for future Ryan to over think, god knows he’s too tired to do it now.Or, five times Shane used the "It's rotten work" quote to reassure Ryan and the one time Ryan used it on Shane.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 13
Kudos: 115





	Not to me, not if it's you

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the full quote-  
> Pylades: I’ll take care of you.  
> Orestes: It’s rotten work.  
> Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.”  
> ― Anne Carson, Euripides
> 
> Thank you popkin16 and lilblueboy for giving me ideas for this quote! Yall own my whole heart <3  
> Anyway, my favorite pass time is making Shane and Ryan far more eloquent and wholesome than they could ever possibly be.

**1.**

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,  _ fuck. _ ” He mutters to himself as he stands alone in the abandoned nurses station of an overtly haunted hospital. His knees feel weak and his hands are shaking and he might actually start crying jesus  _ christ _ . Every shadow on the wall is threatening, every noise makes him jump three feet in the air and the spirit box has been speaking just a bit too clearly for comfort all night.

It’s nothing he hasn’t done before. A solo investigation that is. Shane was in here a couple minutes before him, undoubtedly yelling and antagonizing any ghost or ghoul in a fifty mile radius. Then Ryan was sent in and it’s so much more horrifying than he was expecting. He, alongside Shane and the rest of the crew, were in here together not that long ago when they were initially exploring the hospital and if he was being honest- it wasn’t so bad.

But being alone in here was a whole other story.

Seeing as this was the most haunted part of the building it’s the place they chose for their solo investigations- a decision he regretted almost as soon as he stepped inside. Alone that is. 

There was something about knowing the hospital’s history that made it so much worse. Knowing how many poor souls died here, left to roam the halls that housed them in their final days. Some forever scorned by medical professionals that did them wrong, others stuck in a loop of sadness and desperation. Perhaps some wanted revenge or to have the living feel the pain they once felt. It hurts his heart to know that there are spirits here, trapped in this dingy and almost totally abandoned building for all eternity. Damned to an after life of watching visitors come and go, helpless and desperate to be saved. It’s sad. It’s so fucking sad. 

These people didn’t deserve it. 

But now they’re vengeful and angry and he’s intruding on their final resting place with a weird box that makes too much noise and a weirdly loud and tall friend and an entire fucking camera crew and he can’t help but feel bad about it. But he has a job to do and a surprising amount of determination that’s still carrying him so he sucks it up and tries the spirit box again.

Shakily, he turns it on and soon the quiet room is filled with the loud shrieks of the box. He takes a deep breath. “I’m gonna try this again, okay? If you have anything you want to say, use this to talk. I’ll be out of your hair soon, I promise.” 

Weird little blips come through here and there for a moment but then, distinctly, “ _ Ryan. _ ”

He yelps and almost drops the spirit box entirely. “Oh holy fuck oh my god that’s my name.” He all but whimpers. He wants to leave. He wants to get the fuck out of this hospital and far,  _ far  _ away from it. But Shane hasn’t called for him and this could actually get him some evidence so with what little bravery he has left he remains in place like a statue, scared to so much as breathe. “Yes, hello, my name is Ryan. Is there something you want to tell me?” 

The spirit box sputters for a moment before he hears it. Clear as fucking day. “ _ Run. _ ” 

That time he actually does drop the spirit box with a shout. Almost immediately after that he hears Shane’s voice ring throughout the room. “Times up, Ry!” 

Officially fucking terrifed and with his obligation over he  _ books  _ it out of the room, abandoning the still noisy box on the floor in process. He almost totally collides with Shane as he tries to escape but before Shane can say or do anything he slips past him and runs out of the hospital in a full fledged panic attack. 

He can’t breathe, he can’t fucking breathe. He’s fucked, he’s so fucked. Run? Why run? What the hell. What the hell. What the fuck. Where does he go? He’s stumbling around the front of this old building and he can’t catch up with his own mind and he is definitely crying now but he can’t feel anything and he feels everything at once and he’s terrified he’s fucking terrifed oh god-

‘Ryan!” And suddenly Shane’s hands are on his shoulders, grabbing him before he spirals too far. Shane’s looking at him with worried eyes that you almost never see when it comes to Shane and Ryan feels guilty because of it but he’s too hysterical to linger on that for too long. 

“Shane it said my name and it told me to run it was so fucking clear Shane I swear to god, it was terrifying, it was so bad-” He rambles until Shane suddenly pulls him into a hug and it startles him so much that he goes into shock for a moment before he’s hugging Shane back and crying into his shirt. He feels so weak and stupid and helpless but Shane doesn’t tease him, just rubs his back gently.

“You’re okay Ry, I promise.” 

“How do you know?” He chokes out.

“Cause I got you. Nothing’s gonna get you when I’m here.” And Shane’s told him that a thousand times but it never fails to make him feel better because he’s willed himself to believe it. That he’s gonna be okay as long as Shane’s there. So far nothing’s disproved that belief so he takes it and he holds onto it tight. 

Only when his tears turn to sniffling and his breathing has leveled out enough that he can speak clearly does Shane let go of him and even then he doesn’t stray far away, still resting a hand on his arm. “Do you wanna wrap up the episode?” 

“There’s no fucking way I’m going back inside that building.” 

“You don’t have to.” Shane reassures. “We can do it out here. But I’ll have to go inside to grab the crew.” 

Ryan vehemently shakes his head and Shane gives him an understanding smile that isn’t quite sympathy but isn’t totally joking. “Well you gotta pick one, Ry.”

Just then TJ emerges from the building. “You guys good?” Shane gives a thumbs up.

“Yeah, Ryan just got a little spooked.”

TJ scoffs a laugh. “A little?”

“The spirit box said my name!” Ryan defends and TJ shakes his head before heading back inside presumably to let everyone else know what was up.

Shane turns to him. “You okay little guy?” 

“The sooner we get out of here the better.” He says with a sniff and Shane just nods. 

They film a quick wrap up that Shane mainly carries because Ryan is still too out of it to do anything but glare at the building and numbly nod. With that out of the way he and Shane should be helping load up the car but Ryan barely makes it into the threshold of the building before running the other direction and pulling Shane along with him. Devon gives him an apologetic and semi understanding look as Shane tries to ground him again. Tonight has been too much. Far too much. The shoot alone had been terrifying but the ‘run’ had been the icing on the cake. He feels guilty for not helping pack things up and this time he chooses to focus on his guilt because it’s better than reliving the spirit box over and over again. He’s such a fuckin baby, he’s so.. Useless. It’s ridiculous, really. That he can’t even step foot bear the building. Shane tries to assure him that it’s totally fine and that everyone understands but it doesn’t do much to change his mind on the matter. 

Not long after that, after taking a head count of each other and all of their equipment, everyone piles into the rental cars, absolutely exhausted. He’s tired as all hell but he can’t imagine he’ll be sleeping anytime soon and Shane, who he’s sharing a hotel room with, is just as aware of that fact by the time they reach the hotel in question. He’s not exactly that discreet about it. His leg is bouncing up and down and he’s fiddling with the hem on his shirt and he knows it’s obvious that he’s full of anxious energy. They say their goodbyes to the crew who head off to their own rooms and Ryan barely gets the chance to set his stuff down before Shane turns to him and asks, “Wanna go for a walk?” And Ryan just nods quietly. 

So that’s how they end up sitting on the curb outside of a gas station with their ridiculously sized and ridiculously cheap cups of soda, watching the occasional car go by. You could consider this a late night snack run but it feels more like an early morning breakfast considering how it’s around four in the morning and sun would be rising soon. It’s brisk out but not too cold and there’s a gentle breeze. It’s surreal, being out this late/this early. It feels like time doesn’t exist. They haven’t really spoken, mostly because Ryan couldn’t form a coherent thought if he tried and Shane knows that the best way to comfort him is by existing near him. A physical thing that he can touch and feel without too much thinking. Shane knows everything about him, huh?

“I’m sorry.” He says finally. 

Shane gives him a look. “For what?”

Ryan shrugs. “All of this. I’m the fucking worst after these shoots, I’m so needy and useless and lost and you spend all this time trying to make sure I don’t take a dive off the deep end and it just- I don’t know. I’m a burden and yet.. You stay. I’m just sorry about it I guess.”

Shane seems to think about this for a moment, staring off into space, before he says anything. “You know, there’s this quote that I really like.” He starts and it feels like the beginning of a philosophical Shane moment so he doesn’t say anything and lets him talk. “It’s by Anne Carson from her work, Euripides. It’s this conversation between Pylades and Orestes and their trying to make a plan because there’s this mob coming to kill Orestes and his sister and their talking and Orestes reminds Pylades of the ‘ghastly goddesses’ that will ‘send his wits astray’ and Pylades says ‘I’ll take care of you’ and Orestes says-” 

Then it clicks in Ryan’s head. He’s heard this quote somewhere before. “It’s rotten work.” He supplies and Shane nods. 

“Then Pylades says ‘Not to me. Not if it’s you.” He’s looking right and Ryan when he says it. He’s looking right into his very soul just to drive the point home. It speaks for itself without Shane having to say anything else and it warms his heart. It makes him feel wanted. And if he rests his head on Shane’s shoulder afterwards- well that’s for future Ryan to over think, god knows he’s too tired to do it now.

**2.**

He leans back in his chair with a yawn, rubbing at his eyes. It’s still early, the work day had barely even started, but he was exhausted. He had pulled an all nighter last night and he was really feeling the effect of it now. Stupid? Yes, incredibly so. Very on brand? Oh absolutely. He is painfully aware of both of these things as he desperately tries to blink the tiredness from his eyes on this fine Tuesday morning. Suddenly a coffee cup is being placed on his desk.

Shane takes his seat next to Ryan, having gotten up to get coffee some time ago now. 

“Shit, thanks man.” He says, reaching for the mug, looking at Shane like he just slapped a pile of cash on his desk. 

Shane shrugs. “Figured you needed it.” He takes a sip from his own mug. “Late night?” 

He sighs, “Yup. I really didn’t think preproduction for this video would be  _ this  _ hard when I decided to go for it.” Shane nods in understanding. The reason Ryan was working so hard was because he was currently trying his hardest to get a video under control. It wasn’t anything Unsolved related, something separate for Buzzfeed, and when he saw that the people currently working on it needed some help he jumped right on board not knowing that the concept was barely off the ground in the first place. But when he started things he committed to them and he did genuinely like the concept so he might as well give it form, right? Thus a night full of research, brainstorming, script writing, directorial ideas and sending lots of emails. 

“I’m sure it’ll be worth it.” Shane says.

“Here’s hoping.” He says with a sigh before returning to his work.

He spends the rest of the day doing the same shit he did last night except there’s a lot more communication among the other people working on it. They do film an episode of True Crime too. He doesn’t have a whole lot of energy for it and he hopes it doesn’t translate into video. Shane carries it for the most part and he feels bad about it but it makes his life a hell of a lot easier, especially considering how easy it is to bounce off of whatever bullshit Shane’s saying rather than come up with his own stuff to say. It just works well like that.

Then it’s Shane who makes sure he actually leaves the office when the day’s over because he’d probably end up staying if Shane didn’t stop him.

He doesn’t pull another all nighter (mostly because he doesn’t think he’d last another one) but he doesn’t go to be early either. He’s gonna get this work done if it’s the last thing he does and knowing him- it probably will be. 

The next day, running on about three and a half hours of sleep and with filming  _ finally  _ ready to start, Ryan barely spends a minute at his desk the entire day. He’s far too preoccupied with shooting to sit down. It goes on quite literally all day and then some because cameras and mics are malfunctioning, people are running late, and every possible thing that could go wrong does. He’s exhausted and he knows it’s obvious when Shane hunts him down before he goes home and gives him a concerned look. 

“How much longer do you think this is gonna go on for?” He asks.

Ryan shrugs. “Not that much longer I don’t think. I  _ hope _ . We just had like, a shit ton of hiccups that fucked it all up. Sorry I haven’t seen you all day.” He regrets saying it the minute he does because it sounds so.. weird. He’s not exactly sure why but it does. Shane does react badly though, just shakes his head and tells him it’s no problem.

“Let me know when this wraps up, yeah? And when you get home?” 

Ryan blinks. “I mean, yeah of course. Since when are you so concerned?”

Shane makes a noncommittal noise. “I don’t know, I’m just worried about you.” He admits, refusing to look Ryan in the eye all of a sudden.

“Oh.” He says because what else can he say? “I’m sorry, I-”

Shane cuts him off. “No, no, don’t worry about it Ry. You’re working hard, I’m sure it’ll be great. Just like, take care of yourself, you know?” 

He nods. “I’ll try.” 

Shane nods awkwardly and then makes an equally awkward exit and leaves Ryan standing there for a moment, wondering what the hell just happened and why it felt so off before he’s called back to set and all he can focus on is work.

The shoot takes another two fucking hours which is miserable but he sucks it up and just about collapses onto his couch when he gets home. He shoots Shane a text, as promised, and Shane reminds him to eat something but he’s so fucking tired that he can’t quite bring himself to go find something. He figures missing one meal won’t be that big of a deal and passes right the fuck out on his couch.

On the third day of his overworked extravaganza he’s late to work.

Fantastic.

“There you are.” Shane says a greeting when he arrives. “You sleep late? I sent you a couple of texts asking where you were.” 

Only just now getting the chance to actually check his phone for anything other than the time he sees three texts from Shane, clearly worried ones at that. “Shit, I’m so sorry dude I forgot to set an alarm and I had no time to do shit this morning.” Shane waves him off but it doesn’t change how bad he feels about it.

He settles down to start processing some of the footage from yesterday. There’s a corrupted audio file and some of the footage is just straight up unusable. Wonderful. Editing is gonna be a nightmare. Thankfully he won’t be doing it alone but goddamn is it a lot. He works past lunch but he hasn’t really checked the time or paid much attention to the world around him which is probably why he startles so badly when Shane drops a sandwich on his desk. 

“You gotta eat.” He says matter of factly, unwrapping his own sandwich. 

“Fuck, thanks man.” He says. He hadn’t realized how hungry he’d actually been and it hits him that he’s skipped dinner, breakfast, and he would have skipped lunch if Shane wasn’t there. That’s probably not good. He eats his sandwich (it’s his favorite because Shane knows exactly what he likes) and gets back to work. 

They film another episode of True Crime later in the day. It’s pretty much the same situation as before. He’s still undoubtedly drained but he powers through. Shane walks him to his car when they go to leave for the day- actually on time for once. 

“Get some sleep, okay?” Shane says once they get to his car. 

He yawns. “I’ll try big guy, but this thing isn’t gonna edit itself.”

Shane frowns, something he’s been doing a lot of recently. It’s not a look he likes on Shane and it’s even worse knowing he’s the reason for it. “There’s always tomorrow.”

“I know.” He says and the conversation ends there. 

Ryan stays up late once more, determined to get this thing done and over with. He’s so close he can taste it. It’s nearing one o’clock when he gets an out of the blue text from Shane. 

_ Are you awake? _

Confused, he responds:

_ Yeah, why? _

_ You should go to bed _

Oh. 

_ Well why are you awake? _

_ Because I’m making sure you’re going to sleep _

Okay that’s fair. 

_ Aye aye captain _

_ Go to bed asshole _

And he does. 

He heads into work the next morning on time (thankfully) to find that Shane had brought him in coffee. 

“Oh shit, you got the good stuff.” He says, pulling a voice. Shane laughs and it makes Ryan happy. 

“Only the best for Ryan I-don’t-know-what-get-some-sleep-means Bergara.” He says deadpan.

“Shut up Shane.” 

“I will when you actually start taking care of yourself.” 

He sighs. “I'll be better. I’m almost done with this project and then I’ll actually get some sleep.” 

Shane eyes him suspiciously but doesn’t say anything else. 

Editing takes up the rest of his day but he does actually go grab lunch with Shane when he offers and it’s a well needed break before he goes back to nonstop work. Finally,  _ finally _ , he finishes his part of the work and it’s finally fucking  _ done _ . There will be some finishing touches done by other people and then the video should be set to go up sometime this weekend. 

When he submits his final piece of work on the thing he leans back in his chair and breathes a sigh of relief. Shane turns his attention to him, raising an eyebrow in question.

“It’s finally over. I finished this godforsaken project.” He says with a smile.

Shane visibly brightens. “That’s great!” Ryan nods and watches him check the time on his computer. It’s about four thirty. “You wanna take the rest of the day off and go have a movie night to celebrate?”

He hesitates for a moment. On one hand it’s probably not responsible to ditch work in the middle of the day. On the other hand he’s sick of working and a movie night with Shane sounds fucking amazing right now. “Fuck it.” He says. “Let’s go, your place or mine?” 

They end up at Ryan’s. They order pizza because Shane refuses to let Ryan not eat (understandably so) and then they binge a couple of movies while drinking a couple of beers. They make stupid critiques about the movies and get into dumb arguments that always end with laughter. It’s nice. It’s honestly what he needed after this shit show of a week.

At some point, they stop paying attention to the movie and opt to talk about whatever comes to mind instead. He listens intently as Shane tells him some weird historical story that he knows for whatever reason and Shane feigns understanding when Ryan gets to talking about basketball. 

“Hey, I’m sorry I’ve had you so worried all week.” He blurts after a while because it’s been on his mind but he really hasn’t had the time to focus on it. 

Shane startles and for a minute Ryan thinks he might just brush it off but instead he sighs. “It’s okay man, I get it, I do. I admire how into stuff you get and how determined you are but I hate it when you don’t take care of yourself.” He admits and it takes him aback for a second. 

“I know. I’m sorry. Thank you for putting up with it, I appreciate it, I really do. You’re so understanding even when I’m being an idiot.” He says with a laugh. “You don’t have to be but you are anyway.” 

Shane frowns and suddenly he feels like he said something wrong. He shakes his head. “Ry, I’ve never ‘put up with you,’ it’s never been like that.” He pauses, thinking. “Do you remember that Supernatural shoot a while back? The one where you swore the spirit box said your name and you were terrified?”

“I mean yeah- kinda hard to forget.” He says, unsure as to where this is going. If he’s being honest he had done a lot to try and block out his memories of that shoot.

“Do you remember when I told you about that quote? The uh- ‘It’s rotten work’?” 

Oh shit. Yeah, that. He’d almost totally forgotten about it. It’s clear Shane’s trying to say something here so he nods and stays silent. 

“I just- remember that, okay? It’s important.”

“Okay.” And he believes Shane when he says it.

**3.**

Ryan is sick of Buzzfeed.

He supposes it’s a natural thing. Same thing happened to everyone who eventually left the company. Maybe it’s a right of passage. Doesn’t really feel like it though. It feels more like you poured your everything into something only for that something to turn around and screw you over at every turn. Which is almost exactly what’s happening.

It started when they cancelled Ruining History. Shane had pretty much accepted it immediately. He was clearly bummed and a little bit off for a while after the fact but other than that he was relatively okay with it. 

But Ryan had been livid. 

“They can’t just do that!” He said when Shane returned to his desk after a quick meeting about Ruining History and broke the news. “You have something good! It’s amusing, people like it!” 

“ _ Had. _ ” Shane specified, earning a glare from Ryan. “They can do whatever they want when they have ownership over whatever I make. Besides, there will be other opportunities to do stuff like this.”

“But this was your thing! You created it! Aren’t you at least a little bit upset?”

Shane huffed a sigh. “Of course I am, Ryan, but it’s not like there’s anything I can do!” Shane raised his voice, something he didn’t often do. 

He rolled his eyes at his nihilistic behavior. “Well you should still fight for it!”

“You think I didn’t?!” Shane all but shouted. It made Ryan shut up immediately and caused a total halt in the conversation. Seeing as they worked in an office surrounded by people they earned a couple of weird looks. Shane sighed. “I tried to convince them otherwise, they stood their ground, there was nothing else I could do.” He finished, sounding defeated. 

“Shane, I-” He tried.

Shane cut him off with a curt: “What?” 

“I’m sorry.”

Shane dragged a hand over his face. “It’s fine. Not your fault. Sorry, I just- I need a minute.” Then he was up out of his chair and gone in a matter of seconds. 

Ryan watched him go. “Fuck.”

After that ordeal it was the whole fighting tooth and nail to get BUN up off the ground. 

Buzzfeed execs had nitpicked every little thing, poked holes in what had been months of planning on their part, looked for anything they could use to tell him and Shane no. If he was being honest he had gotten sick of it pretty fast. 

“Oh my  _ god _ .” He groaned, slumping back into the couch. 

Shane reappeared from the kitchen with two beers. “What now?” He asked, already knowing something was up.

“They don’t think we can get enough people on board to produce enough content that would constitute making an Unsolved channel.” He answered, reading the email they’d both just received in regards to BUN.

Shane handed him a beer. “You’ve got to be shitting me- we have a whole list of people who want to produce content on it!”

“Yeah, well apparently it’s not enough.”

“Jesus Christ.” Shane said, leaning back and rubbing at his eyes.

Hesitantly Ryan decided to bring up something he’d been thinking about. “Do you even think it’ll be worth it?”   
  
“What, having an Unsolved channel? I mean, yeah for sure. You’re not doubting this all of a sudden, are you?” 

“No, it’s just.” He sighed. “It would be so much easier to just relent and-”

He gets cut off. “It’s not about what’s easier Ry, we’re committed to this and it is going to be worth it, okay? They're just being cheap and lazy assholes and it’s our job to fucking beat them.”

He wheezes. “What else is new?” Shane smirks and they sit there for a minute, taking a needed deep breath. “Sorry I’m doubting this it’s just.. Ridiculous.”

“Oh for sure, I don’t blame you. But we got this right?” Ryan nods and Shane claps his hands together. “Alright. What say you and I scrounge up a couple more people to work on this thing, yeah?”

He sighs. “Sounds good.” 

The deciding factor that made Ryan finally get fed up with Buzzfeed wasn’t one big thing. It was more of a build up of all the things that had happened over the years, all the times he had been wronged. One day he just decided he was sick of it. A lot of people had been leaving Buzzfeed as of late. They had all felt that it was holding them back and truthfully it was. The company had too much control and it was getting to him. Sometimes he just wanted to do something different, something new, something that would be all his own. He loves Unsolved, don’t get him wrong- he owes everything to that show and he could never in a million years leave Shane but sometimes he just wanted to up and leave. 

He decided to voice these thoughts to Shane because they were starting to eat him up inside a little and recently he’s found himself telling Shane most things. Honestly Shane’s a bigger part of his life now then he ever could have imagined when he first met the guy. Actually Shane’s on his mind a lot these days. He focuses most things around Shane actually. Huh. There’s probably something to read into there but to be quite honest he doesn’t want to dive that deep into his mind, nothing good ever comes of that. Anyway-

“I’m tired.” He said while they were out to lunch one day. Great start.

“Like, sleep wise or..?”

“Of Buzzfeed.” He clarified.

Shane nodded. “I get that.” Then he looked at Ryan and raised an eyebrow. “But I feel like you’re trying to say something else, right?”

He nodded. “It’s just. It’s ridiculous, you know? All the shit they’ve done? I mean, I love Unsolved and all the work we’ve done there and I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world but sometimes I just want to..”

“Leave?” Shane asked.

“Yeah.”

He nods. “Would you?”

“I don’t know, maybe? I still want to create content, you know?” 

“Create your own channel.” Shane says matter of factly.

“That’d be great in theory and I’d love to but I wouldn’t even know where to start. Plus I don’t want to abandon Unsolved and I honestly can’t imagine making shit without you anymore.” He rambles. 

“You’ve been thinking about this a lot, huh?” 

He sighs. “You have no idea.” He watches the gears in Shane’s head turn while he thinks. 

“What if we started one together?” Shane asks and Ryan chokes on his drink.

“Are you serious?”

“I mean, yeah? If I’m being totally honest with you I’m pretty fed up with Buzzfeed too. Have been for a while actually but I didn’t wanna be the one to ruin something good.” He answers simply.

Ryan shakes his head as if to clear it. “Look, I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t entertained the idea but one, I honestly didn’t think you would ever say yes and two, neither of us know the first thing about the business side of things.”

“Wait you thought I wouldn’t say yes?” 

“Yeah?” He says it's obvious. “It’s a huge risk I couldn’t imagine you’d ever take. Besides, I felt like I wouldn’t be someone you’d want to do it with.” He says honestly.

Shane looks genuinely dumbfounded. “ Ryan, you’re the  _ only  _ person I would do it with! You do know that’d I follow you to the ends of the Earth, right? What made you think that anyway?” 

“Oh.” He says, totally shocked because that was a lot for his anxiety riddled brain to comprehend. “I just- oh shit wow, okay- I just thought that’d you be sick of me, I guess? I don’t know, you know how I am- I get in my head about things. I guess I just thought that you didn’t want to deal with me and all my bullshit if you didn’t have to.” He finishes anxiously.

Shane stares at him like he has three heads. “Ry you are so fucking dumb.”

“Hey-”

“Nope! Listen to me,” Shane starts. “I feel like I’ve said this a thousand times- you are  _ not  _ a burden, okay? I wouldn’t still be here if I didn’t care about you. Why do you think I continue to go to supposedly haunted places despite knowing it’s all bullshit? At this point I’m like ninety percent sure I wouldn’t even be complete without you! You remember that Euripides quote, right? The whole ‘It’s rotten work’ thing? Not to me, not if it’s you- I  _ want  _ to “deal” with you Ryan, got it?”

Holy shit. 

He’s pretty sure his jaw actually dropped at that. Shane himself seems startled at his own words.

“I’m pretty sure that’s the most emotion I’ve ever seen you show.” He says because what the actual fuck  _ is  _ he supposed to say? He’s not even sure what he’s feeling right now let alone what to say.

“Yep.” Shane says popping the P. “That was.. a lot and I am sorry for it but my point still stands- do you want to leave Buzzfeed and start something else with me?” He rushes the last part. 

He blinks at him. “I- jesus christ, okay uh- I’m gonna need like three days to process everything you just said.” He says because he’s pretty sure he lost the filter between his brain and his mouth at some point since Shane started talking. He catches Shane cringing at Ryan or himself he doesn’t know. “But I mean, yeah I’d love to do something like that- do you think we could even pull it off though?” 

Shane shrugs, almost completely back to his neutral state already. “I mean it doesn’t have to be just the two of us, we could work with other people too.” 

Ryan nods. “Yeah, okay..” He trails off. Who could they get to jump on board with this? What even is  _ this?  _ It’s not like they have a plan at all, they just know what they want to do. “It’s gonna take a lot of fucking work.” He concludes.

“I’m in if you’re in.”

“A hundred percent?”

“A hundred percent.” Shane says, sounding the most sure Ryan’s heard him. 

He takes a deep breath. 

“Fuck it- let’s do this.” Shane smiles genuinely and it makes his heart warm.

“You know, ‘fuck it’ probably isn’t the best train of thought going into this but I’ll take it. What could go wrong?” Shane asks sarcastically. 

He wheezes. “Don’t jinx us dipshit.” And then, as expected, they get into an argument about jinxes and the conversation ends there for a while.

**4.**

It’s not too long after that when Ryan realizes he’s in love with Shane.

If you asked Ryan how he came to this realization he’d have to tell you the embarrassing truth: that he had a fucking crush on Shane for years without being even being remotely aware of it and when he finally did it was only after they practically moved in together. 

It started with Shane crashing on his couch more often than not. Initially it was because they had been working late into the night and it was pointless for Shane to drive home. Then it just kept happening. It kept happening until Ryan pointed out how fucking uncomfortable it must be for someone the size of a sasquatch to sleep a couch all the time. Instead, Ryan insisted Shane just sleep in his bed with him. Nothing weird about that, right? He didn’t think so but Shane almost bolted immediately. He was confused as to why but he just insisted that it was okay and that it wasn’t a big deal. Somehow he convinced Shane to stay and that night they slept in the bed.

Shane went home the next day and stayed there for a couple of days. It had bummed Ryan out. He liked having Shane around all time and he was afraid he had scared him off somehow. But Shane returned, like he always did, and things went back to normal only now they slept in the same bed. 

When they started to take the idea of starting their own thing seriously they decided to spend a weekend brainstorming and working it out. Shane appeared at Ryan’s door that Friday night with a bag and Obi. He had apologized profusely for bringing Obi with him this time but he felt bad for leaving the little dude alone so much. Ryan brushed it off and said it was fine because really it was. He liked Obi anyway. 

With Obi around now Shane spent even more time at Ryan’s and he couldn’t complain. If he took a minute to look around his apartment he saw a lot of Shane and he thought it was nice. Like, for example, how Shane’s laptop had a permanent spot on the coffee table or how he’d find the odd abandoned hoodie thrown somewhere. It was Shane’s shoes by the door next to his and Shane’s keys on the counter. The mugs in the cabinet that specifically belong to Shane, his water bottle by the sink- it was all Shane. It made him feel warm. 

It was so achingly.. domestic. 

It wasn’t until he woke up one morning to find Shane already out of bed, in the kitchen making coffee, that he realized it. Shane gave him a tired: “G’morning” and a sleepy smile and Ryan took a moment to really look at him and see his stupidly pretty face and his soft bedhead and realize that holy fuck-

He loved Shane. 

That had been a huge realization and he’s pretty sure he was checked out for the entire day thinking about it. A lot of reflection happened and he realized how many times he somehow missed the fact that he loved Shane. He felt pretty ridiculous.

A few days later, while he was still trying to process, Shane was sitting on the couch and looking at something on his phone when he said “Oh, goddamn it.” 

“What?” 

“My rents due soon.” He muttered and Ryan’s head perked up.

“What are you gonna do?”

Shane scoffed. “Pay for it? I do need somewhere to live.” Ryan just stared at him in confusion. “What?”

“You do realize you pretty much live here right?” He asked. “I mean your fuckin cat lives here.” He added gesturing to where obi was curled up on his bed in the corner. 

“I- okay you got me there…” Shane hesitated. “What do you suggest?” 

Ryan rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. “I mean, you could move in? Right?” 

Shane’s eyes widened like that hadn’t been what he was expecting. “Oh. I uh- are you chill with that?” 

“For sure!” He rushed. “It’s totally cool, I like having you around anyway.”

Apparently Shane didn’t need much convincing. “Okay, cool. Uh- I guess I’m moving in.” He said with a smile and Ryan smiled right back. He was kinda excited, crush thoughts be damned. Maybe it was selfish of him but he couldn’t help it and Shane didn’t seem too upset either. 

After that Shane moved in fully and then they got pretty caught up in making Watcher. Ryan’s realization got pushed to the back burner and life went on.

After doing some planning, figuring out exactly what is was that they wanted to do, getting none other than the Steven Lim to join (they honestly owe him everything), and quitting their fucking jobs they got to work with actually creating Watcher and all of the shows they wanted to do. 

Which came with a lot of ups and downs.

Besides the fact that what they were doing was absolutely terrifying there was a lot of stressful, stressful work to be done. Thankfully Steven understood what went into the business side of creating a company and while he and Shane never touched any of that they showered him in praise for taking care of it. Ryan, to no one's surprise, was anxious about everything constantly. Can you blame him though? With issues with getting guests on the shows, ideas falling through, filming mishaps, and everything in between it felt like the world was against them. The whole two steps forward one step back thing was getting old real fast. It was even getting to Shane of all people. Seeing his usually cool and collected... friend losing it like this definitely didn’t help any of them. 

Not to say that it wasn’t also incredibly exciting. This was going to be an entire company that was all their own where they could do whatever they wanted, create whatever they wanted. He was excited, he really was, but  _ god  _ did their goal feel so far away. 

After another day of work (and by day he means they worked until midnight), all done at their kitchen counter, he said goodbye to Steven and made him promise to text him when he got home and watched Shane collapse face down onto the couch.

“I’m so fucking tired.” 

He sighed. “You and me both big guy.” He muttered, sitting on the floor and leaning against the couch.

God this was a lot. What were they doing? What if Watcher doesn’t even pick up and they’re all fucked? He’d feel so guilty. He feels like he dragged so many people that he cared about into something that could go either really well or really bad and if the latter happened.. He’d never forget himself. 

Shane must have noticed his silence because he hears a muffled “Ry?” before Shane actually lifts his face off the couch cushion and continues. “Are you thinking again? You know that’s bad for your health.” He says it as a joke and Ryan laughs but..

_ Fuck  _ he’s so overwhelmed.

“Ryan?” Shane asks, the concern evident in his voice when he hears Ryan go quiet again. “Are you.. are you crying?”

He reaches up and wipes away one of the tears he didn’t know he was crying. “Oh. Yeah I guess.” He says with a sniffle. 

Shane sits up and pushes himself off the couch and onto the floor next to Ryan. “What’s up? What’s wrong? Talk to me.” His tone is gentle and comforting and it only makes him want to cry more. 

“I don’t know, I just- I’m scared I guess.” He says. 

Shane wraps an arm around him and pulls him into his side. He tries not to but he melts. He always does. “Of what?”

He heaves a sigh, “Everything? I don’t know, just- what if this doesn’t go to plan? What if we fall?” 

“Oh but my darling, what if we fly?” Shane says dramatically, quoting that Erin Hanson poem that’d been memed to death just to get a laugh out of Ryan- which he does. “I’m serious though. You focus on the ‘what if’s’ too much. We’ll be fine. We have an amazingly supportive fanbase, plus- we’re making good content that we like and that we know they’ll like. We’re gonna do good.” He assures.

“I know that you’re probably right but- you know how I am, my stupid brain-” He starts.

“Doesn’t let you think that way?” Shane asks and Ryan nods. Of course Shane knew, he always does. 

There’s a pause. 

“Aren’t you at least a little scared?” 

“Of course I am, Ry. There’s no way I couldn’t be. This is scary.” He says matter of factly. But I trust that we’ll create something good. And I trust that our fanbase will pull through for us no matter what. And I trust that I can rely on you, and Steven, and everyone else that’s working their ass off right now to stick with this for however long it takes. I have trust in us.” Shane concludes, squeezing Ryan in a half hug. 

He only hums in response, thinking about Shane’s words. They’re really nice, really pretty words. He wants to believe them wholeheartedly so bad. He wishes he didn’t have all this doubt. 

“I feel so far from reality sometimes, you know?” He admits. “I live in this weird, constantly negative world and sometimes I’m afraid I’m gonna get stuck in there forever. Like I’ll drift away into the void. I don’t want to but I just can't help it I guess.” He sighs. “That didn’t make any sense, did it?”

Shane shakes his head. “No it did, I get what you mean.” He hesitates. “While I’ll never really know what it’s like in that head of yours, I  _ promise  _ I won’t ever let you drift away. I’ll always bring you back.”

He feels like crying again. 

Quietly, he asks: “It’s rotten work?” 

Shane smiles. “Not to me. Not if it’s you.” And then he presses a kiss into Ryan’s hair.

**5.**

Watcher does better than any of them could have imagined. 

It does so good that Ryan almost feels dumb for ever doubting it. It’s amazing. He’s honestly never felt this proud of something since Unsolved and even that is nothing compared to this.

To top it off- he started dating Shane.

They’re sitting on the couch watching a movie, quite literally cuddling, when it happens. It being Ryan loses the ability to control himself for a split second and decides to kiss Shane right then and there. Ever since they got Watcher off the ground his aforementioned realization had bubbled back to the surface. The more he thought about it the less scary it was surprisingly enough. If he looked at all the evidence (which he was prone to do) the odds that Shane liked him back were almost a hundred percent. Something about the way Shane looked that night combined with how at peace he felt made him want to do it and for the first time in his entire life he didn’t let his anxiety consume him and he kissed Shane.

Although he did immediately panic afterwards. He started some rambling apology when Shane cut him off by kissing him back. 

So yeah, life had been pretty fucking great.

And then the pandemic hit and sent the comfortable, happy life he’d grown so accustomed to so fast right out the fucking window. 

It hit so fast that Ryan barely had any time to process it before he had to figure out what the fuck they were gonna do next. It feels like the world gets sent into chaos overnight. Masks become a part of everyday life, people desperately beg the dipshit of a president to fucking do  _ something _ , and Zoom becomes crucial. 

Thankfully, Watcher doesn’t take any major hits. If anything they grow a bit, quarantine makes people check out new content, he guesses. They figure out how to produce new content with relative ease and release the remainder of their stuff from the before times. Surprisingly, things go relatively smoothly. 

Nevertheless there are times where Ryan wants to give up.

Sometimes it feels like the end of the world and sometimes he half believes it. Half the country is on fire, the other half is getting attacked by ridiculous storms, the protests take a lot out of him and it’s especially hard to watch- they do everything they can in support of the movement, of course. The country’s divided and everything is terrible and sometimes it’s all just an awful nightmare that he wants nothing more than to wake up from. 

But Shane’s there and he pulls him back from the brink more times than he’d like to admit. 

Having Shane there with him is probably the only thing keeping him together at this point. It’s hard. It feels so fucking hard to keep going sometimes. He feels so fucking dumb for even thinking like that. It’s so much harder for everyone else. There are people suffering so much more than him, sick or jobless, and here he is crying about his struggles. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. 

_ “You can’t compare your pain to the pain of others.”  _ His therapist would say. She’s been very helpful ever since he’d decided that maybe he needs a bit more help than he thought. She’s been a major contributing factor as to why he’d been previously doing so good. He wishes his sad little brain would actually put her words to good use right about now but it doesn’t- it never does. It just reminds him that he can’t complain when he has it so good while also giving him reasons to complain. He feels so detached from his own mind- like it’s a different entity entirely.

Oh how he wishes things were different.

He throws himself into his work as a distraction.. like he always does. He spends a ridiculous amount of time and effort on ‘Are You Scared?’ so much time and effort that he’s aware what he’s doing is self destructive but he does it anyway. Shane, who usually stops him from doing this kind of stuff, initially tried to do something about it but leaves him alone for the most part after Ryan blew up on him.

He still feels bad about it.

“Leave me alone, Shane!” He had shouted after the third time Shane suggested Ryan should go to sleep. It was nearing two in the morning and he was still at the kitchen counter, typing away at his laptop. “This is the only fucking thing I can do right now- I’m totally useless otherwise! So I’m gonna fucking do it and I’ll stay up however late I want to, alright!?” 

Shane flinched. “Fine. Suit yourself” He said with a scowl before walking off to bed. 

He watched him go, watched the door slam, huffed, and turned back to his computer. He only stared at it for a second before he started crying. He fucked up. 

He fucked up bad. Shane hated that, he hated yelling and Ryan yelled at him. Ryan yelled at  _ Shane _ . Shane didn’t deserve that.

He had tried to muscle through it and continue working. Technically he did keep working but it ended up as nothing usable. He knew that as he was working but he did it anyway. He worked until morning because he didn’t know what else to do. So Shane found him the next morning, staring at his screen with bloodshot and puffy eyes, in the same place he had left him. 

“Jesus Christ, did you just not sleep?” There was less malice in his voice than Ryan expected. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled when Shane appeared at his side, concerned. “I didn’t mean to get upset, you were just being nice- you don’t deserve to be yelled at, I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t look him in the eye. 

“Oh Ryan.” Shane whispered before pulling him into a hug. “It’s okay, I understand.”

“That’s the thing,” He started, “You always understand, you’re always so forgiving and then I turn around and decide to be an asshole? How is that fair?” He asks, looking up at Shane.

“Do you want an honest answer?”

He nods.

“It’s not.” Shane says simply. “But you also don’t usually get mad like that so it hadn’t been an issue until now.” he takes a deep breath. “I’m a pretty quiet guy. I don’t like yelling. I don’t like getting yelled at. I don’t appreciate it and it makes me upset. That’s why I stormed off.”

“I know and I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” Ryan rushed.

“That’s why it hurt.” Shane said honestly. “Cause I know that you know that and you still did it. I didn’t like it.” He paused. “But I realized that you weren’t thinking and that you’re all fucked up right now with everything going on and then I felt bad for leaving you out here. I’m sorry.”

You have no reason to apologize-”

“Well I am. And I forgive you. Although I wish you wouldn’t use work as a coping mechanism.”

“I know.” He said with a frown, “But it’s the only thing that like, makes me feel okay.” 

“I know.” Shane says because of course he knows. “We’ll figure it out. But you should really go to sleep.” 

“I guess..” He trailed off. He didn’t necessarily want to sleep even though he was exhausted. Sleep, he found, came a lot harder to him without Shane these days so he doubts he’d even get any sleep anyway.

“I’ll join you.” Shane says. He smiles sheepishly when Ryan gives him a confused look. “I didn’t get very much sleep anyway.” And Ryan sees for the first time that morning that Shane’s eyes are a little puffy and red too. He feels bad about it but he’s too tired to do anything about it now.

“Oh thank god.” He breathes a sigh of relief and Shane wheezes. They go to bed. 

So they get into little fights like that occasionally but none that they can’t resolve quickly. Thankfully, they aren’t petty people and they’re also grown adults with somewhat working communication skills which makes it easier. 

Shane does leave him alone a lot more often though. He doesn’t like it because he knows it’s on him, he scared Shane away. Who knew he’d miss being told to go to bed? It takes a minute but Shane warms back up eventually and things go relatively back to normal.

Time passes. People like AYS and the second season of Puppet History. They film Watcher Weekly and HWYD, they even get to start up Unsolved again. The world doesn’t necessarily go back to normal though but they learn to live with it after almost a year of this shit. Then Katie pitches Too Many Spirits and they already know it’ll be great. 

He isn’t sure what exactly he had been expecting for the Too Many Spirits shoot but it definitely wasn’t for Steven to take the name of the show so seriously with his fuckin tequilla and rum mixture. It was really nice to see Steven and Katie in person for the first time in so long and to film in person again but good  _ god  _ is he hungover. 

He doesn’t remember shit about filming now. He’s not sure about anything he said or did because his memory is so foggy which is probably something to be concerned about but all that is outweighed by the fact that he thinks he might die. 

Shane, on the other hand, if pretty much fine which is fucking  _ wild  _ and he complains about that fact to Shane nonstop.

“How are you feeling?” Shane asks when he comes into their room with water and painkillers for Ryan. 

“Awful.” He groans. “How do you not feel awful?” He asks for what must have been the thousandth time that day. 

Shane rolls his eyes. “Drink your water dipshit.”

He does so but keeps talking right after. “I don’t get it- we had the same drinks right? Steven wasn’t just giving you fuckin- mocktails was he?” 

Shane wheezes. “Nope, same shit as you. That last one was awful.” 

He almost gags. “God don’t remind me.” There’s a pause before he speaks again. “So what, are you demon proof and booze proof?”

“Oh my god.” Shane laughs, “Go back to sleep.”

“You know what? That’s not a half bad idea.” Shane gets up to leave but he stops him with a: “Wait!”

“What?”

“Can I get a kiss? Please? I’m not even the contagious kind of sick.” He pleads because he can.

“I don’t think I can kiss you and make everything better.” 

“No but It’ll make me happy” He says with a grin.

“Jesus, you’d think you’re still drunk.” Shane says but he comes back and gives him a kiss and it makes him feel warm and fuzzy like it always does. “Take a nap sleeping beauty.” He adds. 

“Thanks for taking care of me.” Ryan says when Shane goes to leave again. 

Shane waves him off, “Yeah, yeah- not to me, not if it’s you- I’m five seconds away from getting you a ‘get well soon’ card and calling it a day.” 

The rushed quote makes him laugh and he catches Shane’s smile when he does. “You wouldn’t abandon me like that.” He says. 

Shane shakes his head. “I wouldn’t.” And then he finally leaves.

The world’s still on fire and he’s still hungover but for a minute everything feels just a little bit better.

**+1**

Almost a whole year after the whole thing started things slowly but surely start to return to normal.

Some things don’t change or are still changing but finally,  _ finally  _ it’s safe enough to go back to working in the Watcher office.

Getting to go back for the first time in so long is a great feeling. There’s no more virtual meetings or shitty wifi connections- just face to face with the people he cares about once more. 

It’s nice.

Soon enough they’re all back into the swing of coming into the office to work and film. They even get to have guests again and it seems like soon enough they’ll be able to shoot at different locations. He never thought that getting to sit at his desk in an office surrounded by people would be something that he missed so much. It’s the most normal things have felt in over a year. 

The best part is that they survived. Nothing happened to the company, or to him, or to Shane, or to his friends and family. They lived. They thrived, even. It’s amazing. It’s the best he’s felt in a long time. He has everything he’s ever really wanted. Even the demons in his head have been silenced for the most part thanks to the fact that he finally worked on his anxiety. He’s happy and content and he never wants this feeling to go away.

Not to say everything is constantly perfect, because it isn’t, but he knows how to face it now. He has tools to use and a wonderful support system and he no longer gets crushed by everything when life gets overwhelming. He knows how to get through the worst of his days now. 

Besides his therapist, he owes a lot of his betterment to Shane. Every time Ryan tries to say so to Shane he gets brushed off. Shane insists that it was all Ryan and that he shouldn’t give any credit to him because Ryan worked incredibly hard to make himself better and he should be proud of that. That’s not exactly wrong but at the same time it isn’t totally right either. Yes, Ryan did work very hard on himself and he is proud of that but it’s Shane that made him want to in the first place. It’s Shane who encouraged him to keep going when he wanted to give up, it’s Shane who picked up the pieces when he broke, it’s Shane who dragged him back from the edge every time he felt like he was gonna lose it. 

Ryan did it for himself, no doubt, but that doesn’t mean Shane didn’t play a huge role in it. 

There’s not enough money in the world that would let him repay Shane for everything. Sometimes he really wonders how he got so lucky to have the big guy be such a big part of his life. He deserves the world, really. 

One day, after a particularly rough week for the man in question, he realizes that Shane might need a little help himself. 

Shane’s been working really hard lately. Between another season of Puppet History, a possible third season of Weird/Wonderful, and seemingly a billion other things he’s trying to do at the same time- to say he’s stressed would be an understatement.

Ryan can tell that he’s exhausted and overworked and needs a goddamn break.

But, he also knows that Shane is capable and doesn’t like being told what to do and is quick to deny help when he needs it. 

He decides to leave it alone for the time being. He thinks Shane will come to his senses and figure his shit out. But then he starts pulling stuff Ryan used to (and sometimes still does) do. Like, for example, forgetting to eat, working into late hours of the night, being told he needs to get some sleep, etc, etc. It’s not until Shane starts getting short with people and snapping easily does he decide he should step in. He just needs to figure out how to approach it first.

He waits until they’re pretty much alone at their desks- or as alone as they could be. He’s been watching Shane type, delete, and retype for most of the day. He’s been tugging at his hair a little and rubbing at his eyes and Ryan’s grown more and more concerned. Finally he decides to say something.

“Shane?” He asks.

“Yeah?” Shane responds but it’s clear that he isn’t paying much attention. 

“You need a break.” He says bluntly. 

Shane looks away from his computer to give him a look. “What? Ry, I’m fine-”

“You most definitely are not.” He cuts Shane off, “You’re acting like me.” 

Shane laughs dryly. “I am not.”

“You are though. You act like we don’t literally live together, I can tell when you’re off and overworked. This is beyond that.” 

“Ryan, look I’m fine. It’s not that big of a deal, you don’t need to worry about it.” 

“So something  _ is  _ wrong?” 

Shane sighs. “For the last time, no. I’m fucking fine, I just need to-”

“No.” He says, stern. “You haven’t been eating, you haven’t been sleeping, you’ve been an ass every time someone attempts to interact with you- not to mention the fact that you keep lying to my face everytime I try to help you.” 

“Stop it.” He says with a scowl but Ryan stands his ground, Shane’s fighting a losing battle this time around. 

“No. You need a break, you’re gonna run yourself into the ground if you keep going on like this- you know that I’m speaking from experience. I’m not gonna let you do that. You were there for me when I needed you there’s no way in hell I won’t be there when you need me.” He says in all seriousness. 

Shane sighs. “Ryan-”

Time to pull out the big guns. “Not to me, not if it’s you.” Shane’s eyes widen and they stare at each other for a minute longer before Shane relents. 

“Fuck.”

“I win.” Ryan declares. “Pack your shit, we’re going home.”

“What? I didn’t agree to that-”

“You didn’t agree to anything but something tells me you’re still gonna come with.” He says, grabbing his own stuff. 

“Well we can’t just leave in the middle of the day-”

“We own part of this company, who’s gonna stop us? I already cleared it with everyone.” This is true, they’re sick of Shane’s shit too.

“You know, I’d really appreciate it if you let me finish a goddamn-”

“Sentence?” He finishes with a smirk and Shane glares at him. “C’mon, let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

“I hate you.” He mumbled. 

“That’s a lie.” 

Shane sighed in defeat. “Yeah, it is.”

So, they went home.

“So what, conquering your mind made you reach enlightenment?” Shane asks snarkily once they’re in the car.

Ryan scoffs, “God no, you of all people should know that.” He saw Shane nod out of the corner of his eye. “But I can recognize bad behavior more easily and it did not take a lot of effort to realize that’s exactly what was going on with you.”

“That’s fair.” Shane says. “So what’s your plan, doc? How are you gonna cure me?”

He rolls his eyes. “I didn’t really have a plan. I just knew that you needed a break.” He shrugs, “We could always have a movie night/day.”

“Like the old days!” Shane exclaims and Ryan wheezes. 

“Like we don’t do this literally every weekend.” 

Shane sighs. “Yeah but we also did it before we started dating and now I get to kiss you whenever I want so it’s special.” before Ryan gets to say anything else, Shane yawns. “Fuck, okay yeah I’m really tired.” 

“Yet you get upset when I tell you to go to sleep?” 

“Shut up Ryan.”

“Hey that’s my thing!” He shouts, “How the turntables..”

“Don’t quote The Office at me, you asshole.” Shane says, playfully smacking him.

“Don’t hit the driver!” He complained.

“Do not cite the deep magic to me, witch!” Shane shouted, pulling a voice. “I was there when it was written!” Then they fell into laughter.

They spent the rest of the day and most of the night watching movies that they hadn’t seen in a while- the familiarity always comforted Shane. They did the same shit they always did: bicker and tell dumb jokes that only they found funny. It was good to have Shane be a little more himself for the first time in a while. At some point, Ryan called it quits for them both because Shane really needed to get some sleep and it was already later than he wanted it to be. 

They were laying in bed, all cuddled up when Shane finally decided to talk to him.

“Hey, I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole. I don’t really have a good excuse, I guess I just got overwhelmed with work? I don’t really know, but I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Ryan reassured, “Is there anything that like, triggered this?”

Shane hummed, “I don’t think so- and I’m being a hundred percent honest with you here- it just came out of nowhere, I’ve never really been like this.” He trailed off. “Thank you for being there for me.”

“Of course. It’s the very least I can do after everything you’ve done for me.”

“You’ve done more for me than you’ll ever know.” Shane said, sure of himself.

“Really?”

He nodded, “Really. You made my life so much brighter, with your stupid fuckin smile.” 

Ryan wheezed. “I was touched and then you ruined it.” 

“Sounds about right.” Shane shrugged, then grew serious. “You know I love you, right?”

“Sometimes I think it’s the only thing I know for sure. Why do you ask?” 

“I feel like I don’t tell you enough.” 

“You don’t have to.” He replied. “I know it from the things you do.”

“Really?”

“Really.” 

“Well that’s good.” Shane sighed. “What gave me away?” 

He laughed, “I don’t know, probably the whole Euripides quote.”

“Yeah, that was a pretty big give away.” 

“Nah. I was too oblivious to realize.”

Shane wheezed, “You’re right.” 

There was a moment of silence.

“I love that quote. Makes me happy.” Ryan said, sleep already coming for him.

“I’m glad. It’s important to me.”

“Why?”

Shane yawned. “Cause it’s our quote.”

“I like that.” 

“Me too.. I love you Ry.”

“I love you too.”

Then they fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so proud of this oh my GOD  
> I wrote the first part like two weeks ago, the second part on Sunday, and the rest of it in about two days lmao  
> ANYWAY I am exhausted and I know I had other stuff to say but brain stopped working an hour ago so I'm gonna sleep!  
> Thank you all so much for reading!!! Comments are MUCH appreciated, they give me serotonin.  
> I take prompts on tumblr at Flame0515  
> Love yall! <333


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